Weekend In Review: 2/9

Manchester City 1-0 Middlesbrough

Craig Bellamy, the definition of "FAIL" in his time at Liverpool, nets the winner for City. Middlesbrough are winless in their last 13 matches.

Blackburn Rovers 0-2 Aston Villa

Villa sets a club record with their seventh consecutive away victory, and Blackburn looked overmatched throughout.

Chelsea 0-0 Hull City

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Everton 3-0 Bolton Wanderers

Toffees' newbie Jo scores twice, once from the spot, to crush Notlob.

Sunderland 2-0 Stoke City

The Black Cats claim another victory with a pair of second half goals against the 10-man Potters.

West Bromwich Albion 2-3 Newcastle United

The game opened with three goals in ten minutes, but in the end the Baggies were denied a move off the bottom of the table by Steven Taylor's game winner.

Wigan Athletic 0-0 Fulham

The only mildly interesting thing about this match was that Wigan were forced to use all of their substitutes in the first half, due to injuries.

Portsmouth 2-3 Liverpool

Just when it appeared the Reds' luck had run out, and as I was fully ready to declare Man U the champions again, Dirk Kuyt scored from an impossible angle, and Fernando "ZOMG" Torres headed in forcefully in extra time for the win, in spite of his manager's insanity with respect to starting choices and formations.

Tottenham Hotspur 0-0 Arsenal

Eboue sees two yellows for the Gunners, and they manage to hold on for a scoreless draw against their London rivals. Add a hamstring injury to Adebayor, and suddenly Arsenal might be in dire straits. In other highly surprising news, Arsene The Arse complained about the result after the match.

West Ham United 0-1 Manchester United

Ryan Giggs gets the Man U goal, and becomes the only player to score in every Premier League campaign since its inception in 1992.

LOLSoccer Picture Of The Week


















Top Of The Table:

Man U 56 Pts. +31
Liverpool 54 Pts. +25
Aston Villa 51 Pts. +16
Chelsea 49 Pts. +29
Arsenal 44 Pts. +13

Man U battles for another win to stay atop the table, and with their game-in-hand upcoming before the next league match for Liverpool, the current champions are looking like the strongest contenders to take this year's trophy. Also, despite that Liverpool eventually won their match with Pompey, I will say here what I spent that whole match saying: Aston Villa is going to finish second in the Prem. Mark it down.

Relegation Musical Chairs:















Hull City 29 Pts. -15
Newcastle 27 Pts. -9
Bolton 27 Pts. -10
Tottenham 25 Pts. -5
Portsmouth 24 Pts. -16
Stoke City 24 Pts. -19
Blackburn 23 Pts. -13
Middlesbrough 22 Pts. -18
West Brom 22 Pts. -23

Three teams (Fulham, Man City and Sunderland) have escaped the relegation watch. All three teams that were in the relegation zone coming into the weekend lost, so there is no movement there.

Promotion Watch:

Automatic-
Wolverhampton 63 Pts. +22
Reading 59 Pts. +32

Playoff-
Birmingham 57 Pts. +10
Cardiff City 51 Pts. +15
Sheffield United 51 Pts. +14
Preston North End 50 Pts. +4

Other Contenders-
Swansea City 48 Pts. +13
Bristol City 47 Pts. +4
Queens Park Rangers 47 Pts. +4
Burnley 47 Pts. 0

Elsewhere:

Barcelona wins again to stay on top by 12 points in Spain. Barca have 68 goals in 22 games. They have officially proven beyond reasonable doubt that Ronaldinho was the most massively overrated player in the world, considering their third place finish last year with him and their ridiculous dominance without him.

Inter Milan has a seven point lead over Juventus with both winning this weekend. Inter are eight points ahead of rivals AC Milan, who were saved a loss by world-class Kaka against Reggina. Inter and AC Milan renew their fierce rivalry next weekend.

Midweek Action- Fuck Mexico Edition

There are a multitude of international friendlies this week, highlighted by Brazil vs. Italy, Tunisia vs. Netherlands, France vs. Argentina, Germany vs. Norway, Spain vs. England and Turkey vs. Ivory Coast. Take from those matches what you will.

There are also a few World Cup qualifying matches in UEFA, Asia, and CONCACAF. The big match, from the perspective of this blog, at least, will be in Columbus, Ohio, where Team America (FUCK YEAH!) will face off in their first qualifying match of the final round against rivals Mexico. Let me be the first to offer this shot across the Rio Grande:

Dear Mexican National Soccer Players and fans,

Please die. Die in a fire. DIE DIE DIE!!!!1!1!!

Sincerely,
Mathemagician

Hopefully the Hudson Street Hooligans will be out in full force Wednesday night to regulate any goddamn Mexicans that might show up.