The game on Wednesday reminded me of something:
I dislike ESPN.
To be truthful, I never forgot this. The US-Mexico game just reinforced my opinions. How did it do this, you ask?
Well first, they alw…
BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS Brett Favre has retired. He will celebrate by publicly thinking about coming back over the next several months.
DAMMIT I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BRETT FAVRE. How could this not wait until after the game? Seriously, the only person to react to this news was probably Peter King, who immediately broke into sobs and had an erection simultaneously.
It’s an awkward time for Peter.
Anyway, the aggravating thing is that th…
STAY TUNED NEXT for Duke-North Carolina! It’s rivalry week! And do we have a showdown for you next!
/talks about Duke-UNC for the next five minutes
FOR FUCK’S SAKE THERE IS A GAME GOING ON. CAN WE PLEASE CONCENTRATE ON THAT FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE?
But wait, I’m going to make an analogy!
Aaaaaugh. Let’s hear it.
Duke-UNC is a rivalry. And US-Mexico is also a rivalry. But not as good. DON’T YOU LOVE DUKE?
Okay, shut the fuck up. You have lost the right to speak. Now where was I? Oh, right. I hate whe…
BOOYAH! /tries to be hip
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH
There is only one Premiership game this week. Under the normal arbitrary classification system, it would be rated like a 3 (THOSE RITZ BITZ WHAT WITH PEANUT BUTTER IN THE MIDDLE) or something, but, beggars can’t be choosers, so you’re stuck with this one no matter what number I give it.
Portsmouth v Man City: Saturday, 1000
Sven’s struggling future club versus Sven’s struggling former club.
I dislike ESPN.
To be truthful, I never forgot this. The US-Mexico game just reinforced my opinions. How did it do this, you ask?
Well first, they alw…
BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS Brett Favre has retired. He will celebrate by publicly thinking about coming back over the next several months.
DAMMIT I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BRETT FAVRE. How could this not wait until after the game? Seriously, the only person to react to this news was probably Peter King, who immediately broke into sobs and had an erection simultaneously.
It’s an awkward time for Peter.
Anyway, the aggravating thing is that th…
STAY TUNED NEXT for Duke-North Carolina! It’s rivalry week! And do we have a showdown for you next!
/talks about Duke-UNC for the next five minutes
FOR FUCK’S SAKE THERE IS A GAME GOING ON. CAN WE PLEASE CONCENTRATE ON THAT FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE?
But wait, I’m going to make an analogy!
Aaaaaugh. Let’s hear it.
Duke-UNC is a rivalry. And US-Mexico is also a rivalry. But not as good. DON’T YOU LOVE DUKE?
Okay, shut the fuck up. You have lost the right to speak. Now where was I? Oh, right. I hate whe…
BOOYAH! /tries to be hip
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH
There is only one Premiership game this week. Under the normal arbitrary classification system, it would be rated like a 3 (THOSE RITZ BITZ WHAT WITH PEANUT BUTTER IN THE MIDDLE) or something, but, beggars can’t be choosers, so you’re stuck with this one no matter what number I give it.
Portsmouth v Man City: Saturday, 1000
Sven’s struggling future club versus Sven’s struggling former club.
To be fair, neither sucks as much as Mexico. OH SNAP!
Prediction: 0-1
Serie A Match of the Week, If You’re into That Sort of Thing
Inter Milan v AC Milan: Sunday, 1430
People keep calling this the world’s best rivalry. Pfft, when’s the last time one of their goalies was hit in the head with a flare, then?
Prediction: 0-1
Serie A Match of the Week, If You’re into That Sort of Thing
Inter Milan v AC Milan: Sunday, 1430
People keep calling this the world’s best rivalry. Pfft, when’s the last time one of their goalies was hit in the head with a flare, then?
Oh.
Prediction: 1-1
La Liga Match of the Week
Valencia v Málaga: Saturday, 1600
Valencia became a little less impressive in my eyes when I saw they started Julio Cesar, who was not even good enough for Spurs to start over a goalie who was injured badly enough to be unable to take goal kicks.
Still, who knew Málaga had a team? I thought they were, like, some Godzilla-like monster or something. RAARGH BEWARE MALAGA
Prediction: 2-1
Bundesliga Bundesfuntime Bundesshow
Hertha Berlin v Bayern Munich: Saturday, 0930
I’ll be happy just as long as Luca Toni doesn’t do that stupid ear goal celebration thing.
Prediction: 2-2
Completely Unfounded Transfer Rumor
MLS will not allow David Beckham to sign for AC Milan. The league, in fact, has been so angered by this proposition that they will force Beckham to play for Kansas City. The Wizards' lone fan is distressed by this development, as the cost of his season ticket has skyrocketed to $5,000,000 in order to compensate for Beckham’s salary.
Totally Bitchin’ Guitar Solo
“Strange Ones” (2:34)
Supergrass
I Should Coco
Supergrass are criminally underappreciated. Go listen to them now. Obey The Big Bear!
La Liga Match of the Week
Valencia v Málaga: Saturday, 1600
Valencia became a little less impressive in my eyes when I saw they started Julio Cesar, who was not even good enough for Spurs to start over a goalie who was injured badly enough to be unable to take goal kicks.
Still, who knew Málaga had a team? I thought they were, like, some Godzilla-like monster or something. RAARGH BEWARE MALAGA
Prediction: 2-1
Bundesliga Bundesfuntime Bundesshow
Hertha Berlin v Bayern Munich: Saturday, 0930
I’ll be happy just as long as Luca Toni doesn’t do that stupid ear goal celebration thing.
Prediction: 2-2
Completely Unfounded Transfer Rumor
MLS will not allow David Beckham to sign for AC Milan. The league, in fact, has been so angered by this proposition that they will force Beckham to play for Kansas City. The Wizards' lone fan is distressed by this development, as the cost of his season ticket has skyrocketed to $5,000,000 in order to compensate for Beckham’s salary.
Totally Bitchin’ Guitar Solo
“Strange Ones” (2:34)
Supergrass
I Should Coco
Supergrass are criminally underappreciated. Go listen to them now. Obey The Big Bear!
Funny Internet Thing
It is Presidents' Day weekend, after all.
Vanilla Ice’s Words of Wisdom
“I’m gonna go across the street and, uh, schling a schlong.”
The Big Bear’s weekend previews will be posted (almost) every Friday throughout the Premier League season.
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