On the back of his side's great form to finish the season, Alan Shearer is in discussions over a potential four-year deal to manage the Barcodes. [Guardian]
Damien Duff to be the Championship's best player next season. [BBC Sport]
In today's shocking news, the Magpies' former owner claims the club's current side are "rubbish". [Sky Sports]
Jose Mourinho extends his stay at Inter through 2012. Hence the "almost". [Goal.com]
Farewell, Newcastle United. If there is any more fitting way to go down after an abysmal season from start to finish, it's on an own goal. It's going to take a lot of luck, among other things, for you to make your way back up, considering some pundits seem to see your situation as "the next Leeds".
For a portion of the first hald, the Tigers trailed in this match while Newcastle were holding to a draw, and it looked like doom for Phil Brown's boys. Unless they work to improve the team in the offseason, they may be looking at approaching Derby County's '07-'08 level of ineptitude. It's not often a team can get one win from the final 22 league games and still survive.
City finish in the top half of the league with victory, though they ended with the most goals allowed of any top half team. Offseason plan: spend more of their ridiculous quadrillions on defenders, less on overrated Brazilians.
Congrats to Nicolas Anelka for winning the Golden Boot by scoring his 19th of the campaign. Congrats also to Sunderland, who survived the relegation battle, mostly thanks to all the bottom five teams losing on the final day.
Boro needed a massive miracle to remain in the top flight, and they were unable to conjure it. I had no idea they had been in the Prem each of the last 11 seasons, though, since it seems like they're in the relegation fight every year. (Quick research: Boro won the League Cup in 2004, their only major trophy in club history, and followed it up the next year with a seventh place league finish, the best of their run. Average finishing position: 12th)
A 13th minute strike by Wade Elliott put Burnley into the top flight for the first time in 33 years.
Elsewhere:
In Germany, it was all Wolfsburg in their final match against Werder Bremen, as they clinched their first ever Bundesliga championship with a 5-1 victory in front of their home fans.
In Spain and Italy, the leagues are over, so who gives a shit?
Goal(s) Of The Week(Year): Edin Dzeko and Grafite's tandem work for Wolfsburg in a championship season...
Midweek Action:
It's Champions League Final time, people. Barcelona vs. Manchester United in Rome. More to come on this here site about that one.
With the Spanish and Italian leagues being anticlimactic, this will be the final appearance of Weekend In Review until August. Worry not, I'm sure there will be plenty of transfer rumors to comment on in the coming months (even a few that aren't ridiculous rumors of everyone on the planet going to Real Madrid!), as well as the occasional qualifier for next year's World Cup.
When you're drunk enough, everywhere looks like a toilet.
HEADLINE PUN ALERT: Speculation about Arsene Wenger's future at Arsenal leads Geoff Shreeves to post an article titled "Is He Gunner Go?" (Answer: No). Expect this story to linger like a Cranberries song. [Sky Sports]
In today's shocking news, Ryan Giggs makes the outrageous claim that Manchester United and Barcelona are currently the world's best clubs. [Goal.com]
The Gooch is pegged to return to the Prem with Wolves. [Mirror]
I can't remember the last time Hull pulled a single point from a match. Actually, I just looked it up. April 4, scoreless draw vs. Portsmouth. Their last win? A month earlier, March 4 at Fulham.
How far did Villa slide since they were in fourth all those months ago? And where will Tuncay play next year when Boro is likely to be in the Championship?
The Magpies are back in the bottom three going into the final weekend. Can they make a great escape, much like Fulham did last year? There are pretty much only two teams you absolutely want to be playing right now needing a win: Hull and Aston Villa. Luckily, Newcastle has one of those two in their final match.
The Baggies are officially returning to the Championship next year. Liverpool is left to the consolation of coming in second place with their best-ever point total in the Premier League.
There's really only one question for Chelsea now, but it's a hugely important one: Who replaces Guus Hiddink? Reasons 1 through 10 why Chelsea are likely to finish third are some variation of "Scolari sucked".
The final Monday Night Football of the year, made all the more compelling by John Madden's retirement. BOOM!
Elsewhere:
Barcelona salted away the Spanish League title on Saturday while sitting on their asses, as Real Madrid succumbed away to the Yellow Submarine. So in the Champions League final, either Man U will win a quad or Barcelona will win a triple. But European soccer isn't massively lacking parity or anything...
Inter Milan also watched as the Italian League trophy was handed to them by their closest competitor's failure, because AC Milan lost to Udinese on Saturday afternoon. How do you say "Special One" in Italian?? Surely Inter fans know...
In Germany, the title is going to come down to the final day. Current leaders Wolfsburg find themselves there after a 5-0 destruction of Hannover, and, with a victory on the final day against Werder Bremen, would win their first significant trophy in club history. Seriously. The remaining contenders are Bayern Munich, who fell two points off the lead with a 2-2 draw against(Hassel)Hoffenheim, and Stuttgart, who got a 2-0 victory to remain two behind. Technically, Hertha Berlin is mathematically still alive for the title, but since they would need a win, a Wolfsburg loss, a draw in the match between Munich and Stuttgart, and would need to overcome the goal differential tiebreaker with Wolfsburg (currently Wolfsburg is +35, Berlin is +11), they're toast.
MLS Note:
Conor Casey: You are a giant bag of douche. Please stop complaining about getting fouled when, in actuality, you just fucking bodyslammed yet another Revs defender.
West Brom clinched their own doom on Sunday, and Newcastle slid behind Hull City with their loss. Sunderland hosts Chelsea, Hull City hosts Man U, Newcastle goes to Aston Villa, and Boro goes to West Ham in the final round of play next Sunday.
Goals Of The Week:
Midweek Action:
One thing, and one thing only: The UEFA Cup Final. German side Werder Bremen will take on Ukranian side Shaktar Donetsk on Wednesday in Istanbul. Just to recognize the significant scalps these teams picked up on the way to the final, Werder Bremen have taken down AC Milan (ZOMG BECKHAM?!?!?!) and Hamburg, while Shaktar have finished off Tottenham Hotspur, Marseille and Dynamo Kyiv. Who will win? I'll take the Germans, 2-1 aet.
We'll be seeing more of Blackburn Rovers in the Prem next year thanks to this win, as they are all but mathematically assured of staying up now. Portsmouth still has the magical 38 points that is always assumed to be enough to stay up themselves, though they are further from mathematical safety than their Saturday opponents.
Bolton find themselves in the same boat as Blackburn after gaining a home point against the Black Cats, as they can only be relegated by goal difference, and their goal difference is currently superior to all teams below them in the table. Sunderland could have gotten much more use out of a win, but they are still five points clear of dropping down ahead of the massive relegation match on Monday.
Tim Howard's club record 16th clean sheet of the campaign was enough for them to officially secure a Europa League spot next season, and it was a significant hit to Spurs chances at the same competition. This may actually end up benefitting Tottenham in their hopes of cracking the Top 4 next year, which both of these clubs should compete for once again.
The Londoners are sitting in the all-important 7th spot at the moment, and while they are not assured of that spot, they look the likely team given their form. It's nearly impossible to remember that Villa were strongly competing for a Champions League spot earlier this season, but even if Everton passes them up for 5th place, they'll still see European action in the fall.
Hull City, as high as third in the league early on this season, are now languishing three points over the drop zone, and could find themselves in it should Newcastle win on Monday, or even if Middlesbrough were to win by three or more (note: that definitely won't happen). Stoke City, possibly the least notable of the three promotees over the course ofthis season, guaranteed their place for next season. Congrats to the Potters and their supporters!
The Baggies remain bottom of the table, though this decisive win brought them even with Newcastle and Boro ahead of the Monday match. They are considerably further away from the drop than they were three weeks ago. Wigan ain't got shit to play for, and apparently they played like it. As long as their home pitch continues to frustrate the shit out of Arsene Wenger, they're welcome in my Prem.
The Hammers' chances at the final Europa League spot took a huge hit on Saturday, but a minor miracle could still see them through. Liverpool's victory allowed its fans to see them on top of the table for one final day, albeit on goal differential, before Man U took over the top spot for good.
The Manchester derby goes quite predictably, as United retake the league's top spot, most likely for good. The Red Devils could have the league title completely sewn up before Liverpool takes the field again next Sunday. City, meanwhile, must start preparing for how they'll spend their vast billions next year so that they can be, you know, relevant.
Chelsea punished and abused the Gunners and clinched the final automatic qualification for next year's Champions League group stage. Though the Blues are mathematically alive for the league title, their home stretch is all about picking up a trophy from the FA Cup final against Everton at the end of the month. Arsenal will finish fourth and may spend the summer fielding the highest volume of questions about whether they will be the one of the Big Four whose position as such could be stolen away next season.
Newcastle v. Middlesbrough
This Monday match, alluded to quite a few times above, has massive relgation implications in the final stages of this campaign.
Promotion Watch: The Championship concluded last week, and the two automatic promotees ended up being Wolverhampton Wanderers and Birmingham City. The promotion playoff also began this weekend, with Preston North End hosting a 1-1 draw against Premier League Yo-Yo Sheffield United on Friday, and Burnley winning their home semifinal leg against last year's unfortunate relegation sufferers Reading, 1-0. The semifinals conclude this Monday/Tuesday.
Elsewhere:
In Scotland, the final Old Firm match of the Scottish campaign took place Saturday, and Rangers defeated Celtic, 1-0, to leapfrog their archrivals and take a two point lead in the league with three matches to play.
In Spain, Real Madrid was blown out by Valencia, 3-0, on Saturday, which gave Barcelona a chance to win the league outright on Sunday. The Catalans has a 3-1 through 75 minutes against the Yellow Submarine, but Eric Abidal was sent off late, and Villareal were able to slot home a penalty and an extra time equalizer to deny Barca the trophy presentation. Now, if Madrid fails to defeat Villareal next Saturday, Barcelona can celebrate the La Liga title before taking to the pitch next Sunday
In Italy, Inter and AC Milan both played to draws on Sunday, leaving Jose Mourinho's Inter side on the brink of the Serie A title, as their lead remained seven points with a mere three mathces remaining.
In Germany, the Bundesliga title race took another turn Saturday, when league leaders Wolfsburg fell 4-1 at Stuttgart. Bayern Munich were able to take advantage of the opening with a 3-1 victory, which brought them even on points with Wolfsburg, though Munich are behind by two on goal difference. Hertha Berlin also won 2-0 to move within one point of the top, and Stuttgart moved within two points. With three matches remaining, the race is completely wide open (which is more than I can say for the races in England, Spain and Italy).
Goal(s) of the Week:
Videos were running a tad dry, so this is a set of the potential MLS Goals Of The Week. One note: to the American announcer who referred to one of the goals as "an absolute corker", I think that phrase only works right if you've got a British accent.
Midweek Action:
Cup finals in Spain and Italy as Barcelona looks for their first trophy in the Copa Del Rey final versus Athletic Bilbao, and the Coppa Italia final pits Genoan side Sampdoria against Roman side Lazio in Rome. Man U plays Wigan midweek to finally catch up to the rest of the league and assert its final dominance over all comers. Bundesliga and the Scottish Premier League have a bunch of midweek matches as well. Enjoy it while it's stil here, folks.
Chelsea took an extremely difficult loss in the semifinals of the Champions League today against Barcelona, and it's understandable that some of the players were frustrated by the officiating at the end. But Didier Drogba proves (not for the first time) in the video above that he is always quite capable of throwing a bitchfest tantrum that a two year old would be proud of.
I think what finally got me in this video was the end, when he turned to the TV camera and continued bitching and swearing on air. I imagine he's still bitching about all the sand in his vagina as we speak. Congratulations, Didier Drogba, you just passed Cristiano Ronaldo to top the list of soccer players I want to be the next stomping victim of Wayne Rooney.
A Mexican player, Hector Reynoso, has dethroned John Edwards. How did he do that, you ask?
"Reynoso was widely quoted as saying in the media that he had told Penco he had the disease. He later apologised for the incident, which was reported to have been accepted by Penco. Guadalajara players complained that their opponents taunted them with remarks about swine flu during the game, which ended 1-1. They also said that when the team went to a shopping centre in Vina del Mar, people covered their mouths, ran away, laughed or made remarks about being contaminated."
I, for one, am not the least bit shocked that players hailing from a country where hurling bags of urine at the opposition is not uncommon. As always, all there is to add is a fully-deserved "Die in a fire, Mexico!"
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