Clinical Chelsea: 8/29

The lanky robot celebrates his first Spurs' strike

Chelsea 3-0 Burnley

The Blues' strength and three goals all around halftime put them atop the Premier League on goal difference heading into the first international break of the season. This is what happens when you're a Top 4 team that doesn't have to sell their best players thanks to debt issues* or a general lack of funds**.

*See Liverpool, Manchester United
**See Arsenal


Blackburn Yawn-Snore West Ham United

Bolton 2-3 Liverpool

From a few different accounts, Liverpool were decidedly lucky to pull out the victory, thanks to a second yellow to Bolton's Sean Davis sent him off shortly after Bolton had taken a 2-1 lead. Torres scored soon after, and Gerrard finished strong with an 83rd minute winner.

Stoke City 1-0 Sunderland

A lone Dave Kitson strike sends the Potters into fourth. With the addition of former Boro man and Turkish international Tuncay, Stoke are looking like a well-put-together side this season.

Tottenham 2-1 Birmingham City

Peter Crouch opened the scoring with a goal only he could have scored, because only he could get his head to the ball. Birmingham responded quickly after with the aid of a trademark moment of failed Tottenham defending, but City were unable to hold on to their single point, as Aaron Lennon scored at the death to maintain Spurs' 100% record.

Wolverhampton 1-1 Hull City

Hull's first half goal was nullified by an early second half strike for Wolves. Both teams will probably be decently pleased to be on four points from four matches, as survival is the name of the game.

Manchester United 2-1 Arsenal

And here I thought that stealing undeserved results might have left Manchester along with Cristiano Ronaldo. Arsenal were the stronger side in a mostly slow first half, taking the lead through a strong Andrei Arshavin strike. In the second, though, Wayne Rooney manufactured a clear penalty quite suddenly, and five minutes after he converted it, an inexplicable own goal from Abou Diaby, who headed in despite no one in red around him, gave the Red Devils their winning margin. It was not without late drama, as Arsenal looked to have equalized at the death, but a correct offsides call nullified it, and sent Arsene Wenger into a massive bitchfest that resulted in his sending off.

Spain:

Welcome back, La Liga, did you really need to sleep in that late? Cristiano Ronaldo scored from the penalty spot in his debut for Real Madrid, a 3-2 victory over Deportivo which proved what we all knew: Real Madrid cannot defend worth a shit. Iker Casillas is gonna have to choke a backliner before this season is out.

Italy:

It's only the second week, but the first of the Italian League's two Milan Flare-Throwing derbies happened today, and it was all Inter. Not only did they score three times in the first half, but Italian international and general Vagina Face Gennaro Gattuso saw a red card, as Inter coasted to a 4-0 victory and a day in first place. The other thing I learned about Italian soccer today: former Revolution goalkeeper/manager Walter Zenga is now a manager in Serie A.

Germany:

Bayer Leverkusen won again to maintain their Bundesliga lead, while Schalke lost at home to Freiburg to fall slightly off the pace. Bayern Munich got a small share of revenge on Wolfsburg with a 3-0 home victory, lifting them from 14th to 7th in the league.