Weekend In Review...Now With Bundesliga! 3/16

A funny little thing happened in last week's Champions League Round of 16: Bayern Munich scored the biggest two leg win in the history of the competition. Sure, Sporting Lisbon isn't exactly a super-elite team, but winning 12 to 1 against anyone, at that level, is INSANE. Because of this, Munich piqued my interest in the top German league. After running a quick analysis of some of the other top leagues in Europe, it's clear that the German league is the most entertaining:

Goals per match by top league (as of Sunday):

German Bundesliga: 2.958
Spanish Primera Division: 2.948
Dutch Eredivisie: 2.877
English Premier League: 2.469
Scottish Premier League: 2.448
Italian Serie A: 2.459
Portuguese Liga: 2.251
French Ligue 1: 2.229

That, plus the fact that there were five teams within four points of the league lead coming into this weekend, earns Bundesliga a spot in this here weekly review.

Manchester United 1-4 Liverpool

I'd be much happier about this result if Pool could ever bring this intensity against friggin' Middlesbrough.

Arsenal 4-0 Blackburn

Andrei Arshavin catalyzes the Gunner victory. The man pisses excellence. And possibly vodka.

Bolton 1-3 Fulham

The Cottagers got their first road victory of the campaign, which is surprising considering they're having a solid season.

Everton 3-1 Stoke City

The Toffees jumped on Stoke early and mostly cruised to a win.

Hull City 1-1 Newcastle United

Two teams that could each have used three points instead split one apiece.

Middlesbrough 1-1 Portsmouth

Ditto above, thanks to Marlon King in injury time. In addition, Gareth Southgate is EPL's version of Jay Cutler.

Sunderland 1-2 Wigan

Fun Wigan Fact: The Latics are the youngest club in the Premier League, having been formed in 1932.

Chelsea 1-0 Manchester City

Michael Essien keeps Chelsea in second. They'd better hope they can stay there without Deco.

Aston Villa 1-2 Tottenham

Spurs win a match aptly described by BBC as "more open than a hungry teenager's fridge door".

West Ham United 0-0 West Bromwich Albion

This one takes place at 4 PM Eastern today.

Elsewhere:

In Spain, Real Madrid racked up five goals for themselves and accumulated two red cards against Athletic Bilbao in winning on Saturday, proving the club can actually score five goals in a game as their president predicted, as long as you play a crappy Spanish team and not a Top 4 British team. Barcelona won on two Bojan Krkic tallies, keeping the points gap between themselves and Madrid at the top of the table at 6.

In Italy, Juventus recovered from falling against Chelsea by destroying Bologna 4-1, with Del Piero scoring twice for the winning home side. Inter Milan won late on Sunday against Fiorentina. The battle for the title now has Inter in front by 7 points.

In Germany, Hertha Berlin stayed in front of everyone with another victory. Bayern Munich only scored 3 goals, but it was easily enough for them to win. Wolfsburg defeated last year's Champions League surprise side Schalke 04, 4-3, on Friday to keep pace, and Hoffenheim fell off the Berlin pace by drawing at Frankfurt. On Sunday, Hamburg won as well, leapfrogging Hoffenheim into fourth place. Munich and Wolfsburg remain even with Hamburg, four points from the top.

Top Of The Table:

ManU 65 Pts. +33
Chelsea 61 Pts. +33
Liverpool 61 Pts. +28
Arsenal 52 Pts. +19
Aston Villa 52 Pts. +12
Everton 48 Pts. +10

Man U's blowout loss drags them back into a bit of a fight for the title, though they remain in control. Arsenal now leads Aston Villa in the battle for the final Champions League spot, and Everton is well clear in the race for the second Europa League spot.

Relegation Musical Chairs:

Bolton 33 Pts. -12
Hull City 33 Pts. -16
Sunderland 32 Pts. -9
Blackburn 30 Pts. -16
Newcastle 29 Pts. -11
Portsmouth 29 Pts. -15
Stoke City 29 Pts. -19
Middlesbrough 27 Pts. -20
West Bromwich Albion 22 Pts. -29

Congrats, Big Bear, Tottenham's Sunday win gets them off the list! With only nine matches to go, the race for survival is tightening up. Hull City are closer to safe than they were a few weeks ago. Newcastle and Portsmouth are barely clear on differential, and Stoke and Middlesbrough at least have some hope of staying up if they can turn their form around.

Goal(s) Of The Week:

You should have known this one was coming: Highlights of The Beatdown!


Midweek Action:

Arsenal finally gets around to playing their FA Cup quarterfinal against Hull City on Tuesday. We also get more UEFA Cup on Wednesday and Thursday, with the only British team remaining, Manchester City, taking a 2-0 lead into their second leg against Danish side Aalborg. Then, before next weekend gets underway, the final draw for Champions League and UEFA Cup takes place early on Friday morning. Until then I'll be hoping and praying Liverpool can draw Villareal or Porto in the quarters.

Important Advice From Max Weinberg: