Morning Roundup, 03/05/09

• United essentially clinch the Premier League title with a 2-1 win at Newcastle. How exciting. [Guardian]
• Robbie Keane and Aaron Lennon star as Spurs demolish Boro, 4-0. Of course, this totally makes up for the loss in the Carling Cup final. [Sky Sports]
• WCIS-endorsed Aston Villa continue to let their tenuous hold on a Champions League place slip as they fall to wealthy Arab tycoon-endorsed Man City, 2-0. [F365]
• Elsewhere, Stoke (featuring the musical stylings of Rory Delap and the Throw-ins) and Hull both claim important wins over Bolton and Fulham, respectively, while West Ham beat Wigan and Everton draw 0-0 with Blackburn. [Soccernet]
• Ashley Cole arrested for being drunk and disorderly. Is also a douchebag. [BBC Sport]
• Man City allegedly prep 100 million pound offer for Lionel Messi. For some reason, they're unwilling to listen to my "Fill Old Trafford with PBR" suggestion. [Goal.com]